Fella Directory

Wouldn't the world be a better place, if there was a directory where you could look up a man's credentials? Who has the big red "X" written next to their names and who has the extra credit points? A book written by females they've been with (or males for that matter)...men critics. Would it be a print copy sold special places or an online version? I think I like online version better; more easily accessible and more likely to be updated.

This Fella Directory would have to come fully equipped. I'm talkin references, height, age, photos, body count, bad habits, hobbies, education levels, objectives, complaints...something like a Male Resume. I want to know who's heading to the barbershop on the regular. Fresh haircuts boost up a man's sexy points immediately. And hey, let's not forget the Feel Test.

Every great directory has sections! Imagine? Tabs separating the boys who stand on the corner all day from the ones who are out working, the ones who prefer this shade of woman from that shade, celebrity info! The list goes on and on. Since our great F.D. hasn't been created yet, here's a few sections with info that could come in handy.
"Undercover Brother":
If you have gay friends, they can help out tremendously in this department. Their gaydar is either super strong or they have great tactics of revealing the down-low men. Trust me, sometimes they've even hooked up with them. They're never afraid to tell it like it is.
"Nice Guys Finish Last" :
Whether they're reformed players, the brotherly types or the lames, this group of men can be the hardest to seek out. Especially when everyone wants to be the asshole nowadays. I find that the nice guys are the ones who have good people surrounding them. You can tell a way a person is by the company they keep, their views on family, their faith, their interactions in social places, and their choice words. And by choice words, I mean that nice guys are usually very particular about how what they choose to say as they are aware of others feelings.
"Athletes":
Not all athletes are players. Look at Carmelo and Lala. Just about 98% haha. If you're thinking about hooking up with one, I think it really depends on the stage you are at and that they are at (more than likely that's the not wanting to date stage). Athletes are all about moving at a pace that they feel comfortable with. Be cautious, they're used to getting things their way. A plus is great eye candy and physical strength.
"Mama's Boys": You want a guy to love his mama but not be IN LOVE with his mama. Huge difference. Mama's boys are always gonna compare you to their mothers and most likely their moms are gonna be a hassle because they've become used to all the woman attention being on them.
"The Crazies": You want to see a boy get angry before deciding whether or not a relationship is right for you. You need to know if you can handle him at his worst. You also need to analyze their habits. Some people have weird fetishes... Hey crazy people tend to like other crazy people. Sometimes they think if you don't have a bit of crazy in you you're boring so this section should definitely make the directory if one was ever to come about.

Our manual is somewhere lost in the warps of the future. For now we have to stick to the good ole word of mouth, trial and error, social network phases. Yea, I said social network and not for you to go scoping out men on there...unless that's your thing. Wouldn't advise it though. Only because I think it tells you subtle things about a person. I've never been one to really take a male seriously who has a lot of girls posting their infatuations all over his wall, or who's flirting through twitter with various females. But hey, could just be me.

Oh yeah, and ladies I think I should share two rules with you: 1. Never recommend male friends to other females unless you know they're genuinely good people because girls can turn around and blame you for the downfalls and 2. Always do your hw... if you are friends with someone who's friends with a male your interested in possibly pursuing something long-term with, make sure he hasn't already dipped in the friend circle already.

Females Come In Twos

Behind every woman stands her alter ego. Beyonce has Sasha Fierce and Nicki Minaj has Roman Zolanski. That's why their female fans can identify with them so well. Call us bi-polar if you'd like but I prefer to think of it as being... dimensional. Something like a sour patch kid. Sweet and Sour. I've had boys tell me that I'm mean before, and I'm not even gonna blame that on my environment and say that "it's a New York thing" because I believe all girls have a little brash, tell-it-how-it-is vibe to 'em. New Yorkers just have a little more "Kiss My Ass" swag than some :) Some girls are on the faker side of things or just conceal it well.

The sweet and sour ratio differs depending on the female as well as who they're interacting with. Sweet refers to everything nice and caring about a female. Her soft side, her lady-like qualities, her ability to be understanding, giving. It's what drives her to go out of her way. The holding cell of emotions and what makes her vulnerable. The sour side is not even about being nasty or bitter, it's her confidence, her strength, her show face even if she's feeling shy or nervous on the inside. The Ms. Independent, "I Can Do Bad All By Myself" side. The side that has a voice and an opinion and is not afraid to share it.

Now, having two selves is not to be confused with being two-faced and I don't mean two selves completely. No Jekylls and Hydes over here. I'm talking an outer layer and inner layer. Us females are so concerned with how we're being perceived. And even when we're not concerned, someone out there is judging us still. Seeing what kind of vibe they can pick up off of us. Our outer layer is what we show the world first and as you peel the layers you get to know who we are inside as well.

I don't have a name for my alter ego. I'm not as cool as Beyonce or Nicki but gimme some time and maybe I'll be able to rummage up something for you. I have stage fright and every time I have to do something on stage, I would say I put my "game face" on or become a more confident version of what I'm feeling on the inside. Now that I think about it, it's not even limited to the stage... just somewhere I feel uncomfortable or I feel like the spotlight and pressure is being placed on me. Interviews, jobs where there are people around me in much higher positions, when I'm given large responsibility. 'Cause even if you feel like you're dripping you can't let 'em see ya sweat.

"Don't like my women single. I like my chicks in twos..." Good news Drake. Single or not, we're all doubled up.