Free Us From the Wrath of Your Mouth!

These ten victims are subjected to mouths that do plenty of damage.

Offenders: Thirstbuckets
Victim#1: Straw
Have you ever asked somebody for some of their drink? No? Don't like to drink behind others? Cool. But in the case that you have and there's been a straw in their beverage, dont you just hate when it's all chewed up?! Should've just gotten something to eat. Poor straw, it didn't ask for any of that.

Offenders: Jabber Jaws
Victim#2: Nails
Nail-biters become obsessive with this habit. Bet ya didn't know it was called Onychophagia. It can actually transfer a lot of bacteria. People with this habit have nails that are like midgets, they just don't get the chance to grow. One day they're going to come out with nail-flavored things. Yum?

Offenders: Hi-Schoolers
Victim#3: Old People
You've seen them...the kids coming out of high school greeting each other loudly on the train, telling everyone's business, and cursing up a storm. Annoying! And I'm sure at one point someone must've thought the same about me and my friends but the kids today seem sooo much worse. Although it irritates me highly, I feel even worse when old people are subjected to it. I know they're so much more conservative and it just gives them a worse impression of our generation.

Offenders: Religious Train-ers
Victim#4: Everyone they come in contact with
You know they're spreading the good word but you can't help but think, "Will...you...shut...up?!" They preach from train cart to train cart and break the silence with boisterous voices. I must admit, I'll always remember a religious train-er saying "B.I.B.L.E.- Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth" and its always stuck with me. Quite clever, I think. However the majority of the time, I enjoy watching the immediate response of the rest of the passengers. Earphones being plugged in, newspapers opening, eyes rolling.


Offenders: Professor Monotone
Victim#5: Students
These teachers remind me of the Charlie Brown teacher. Wahhh wah wahh wah wahhh. You can't really remember the last thing they said, you know it's important, it'll probably be on the test, your eyes are shutting, your head is dropping and your notes are becoming scribble scrabble. The sweetest victory is when class ends and you're finally free. Too bad you have to go through it again tomorrow.

Offenders: Angry Beavers
Victim#6: Their Children
Parents love to talk you to your ultimate death. You did something wrong and they just won't let it go. They don't feel good if they don't bash it into your brain about how foolish you are and how much better off you would have been if you just listened. You really wanna scream "Shut upppp!!!!" but instead you're a mute, thinking about other things until they're ready to stop. I call these parents angry beavers because they're obviously upset and all they do is damn (dam) you.

Offenders: Parental Advisors
Victim#7: The Friend with a Secret
These are the people who tell their parents everything under the sun. If something happens to them, they're dishing. If something happens to you, they're dishing. Wondering why their parents are looking at you sideways? 'Cause they know all your business! Sure they didn't tell anyone the secret you told them...they just told their mom or dad. That makes it okay... SIKE!

Offenders: Suckers
Victim#8: Thumb
My grandma went to great heights to get me to stop sucking my thumb when I was little. A sock taped around my thumb, salt and pepper, you name it. I went to bed so upset every night because once you start it's a hard habit to kick. But I'm thankful she did it because I hate seeing grown people sucking their thumb 'til its all gray and wrinkly. Eww. Have some pride.

Offenders: Teething Babies
Victim#9: Anything Within Reach
If you've never been by a teething baby, brace yourself if you're ever faced with the circumstance. Hair, clothes, whatever's laying nearby... even your face! They take no prisoners.

Offenders: Breath-Ah-Lie-zers
Victim#10: Innocent Bystander
Their breath was clearly lying to them but it's telling the truth to you... and boy, does the truth hurt! People should get in the habit of carrying gum or mints. Even if you don't suffer from bad breath, fresh breath is the best breath to have.

Feel Like Doing...Nothing?

I believe a good quality to look for in a potential mate is someone who is content with doing absolutely nothing with you. In my eyes, you can do everything with just about anybody but you can't do nothing with everybody. You can be intimate with anyone you're attracted to, you can go to the movies, out to eat, party, whatever your heart desires with this person or that person. It takes a special individual and a genuine connection to just be able to chill with someone without expecting intimacy from them.

Why do you think males/females tend to get jealous when their significant other is hanging out with close friends of the opposite sex? A lot of relationships are missing the friend component. Sometimes people who are talking to each other or dating get so caught up in the intimacy, that they forget to just bond. And it's cool to make someone feel wanted, but I think men should take into consideration that sometimes it's better to chill out. It can actually increase a woman's desire for you.

And by doing nothing, I don't mean staring into each other's eyes and twiddling your fingers for hours. Nothing is more representative of the lack of the need for mauling each other or jumping into one another's pants. It includes spontaneity, creativity and connecting. Being content with just the mere presence of someone? Now that's attractive.

Favorable Ad: Nolan's Cheese

A very funny advertisement for some cheese.

From Boys to Men

The transition from boy to man is often disputed. Is it a certain age that they approach? A certain experience they have to go through in order to become a man? Males, everywhere, are critically analyzed for their actions. They seem to attest after the age of 18, or even earlier for some, that they are grown. However, many females argue that there are an increase in boys and a decrease in real men. Here are five distinguishable features.

1. A BOY is scared of love. A MAN embraces his feelings.
2. A BOY thinks about himself. A MAN thinks about others.
3. A BOY can't admit when he's wrong. A MAN uses his mistakes to make him better.
4. A BOY is manipulative to get what he wants. A MAN works for what he wants.
5. A BOY seeks others for support. A MAN aims to provide support.

Certainly, these are not all the differentiating factors. Transforming into a man involves going through both mental and physical puberty. Some men grow old and still act like children. Inspired by Clutch Magazine, here is a list of five things men should know before they're thirty.

1. Good Credit Goes a Long Way
It's important to maintain good credit, because it says a lot about you and weighs heavily in many adult decisions. With the internet, you can find out ways to increase your credit score and analyze what you're doing that isn't reaping the best results.
2. You Can't Stay With Mom Forever
Grown men living with their moms just aren't cute. Unless you have financial problems, it's best you find your own place of residence.
3. Women Aren't Evil
You had one scorned relationship. Get over it. There are plenty of quality women who want to fix those wounds if you let them.
4. Got Manners?
The days of holding doors for people and pulling out the chairs for women on dates seem to be long gone. Do you walk on the side of the street closest to the cars when you're strolling with your woman? And remember etiquette is important. Slapping your mouth at the table won't cut it.
5. Leave Your Comfort Zone
Don't be afraid to make that leap. Men are often afraid of risks. Get off the block and take a trip to somewhere you've never gone before. Learn something you never thought you would, like another language. It's worth it.

Friendship for Breakfast

I have this theory that each bunch of friends can be compared to...cereal. Yep, not your average comparison but a fun thought nonetheless.

Corn Flakes
The friend out of the bunch who you can count on to just flake on certain events. Love 'em to death but they have the tendency to dodge calls and go missing if they don't feel like showing up to places, or if they've done something wrong. These are the ones that are not really confrontational or struggle with indecisiveness.

Fruit Loops
In this day and age, you can count on one of your friends to be gay. Hey, you may not even know it. But whether you know it or not, the "fruity" one of the bunch takes this cereal title.

Cheerios
Mr. or Ms. Happy-All-the-Time. They're just known for being cheerful. Always good to run into if you need to smile or need a pick-me-up. Just make sure you return the favor if they ever do have an off day.

Honeycomb
The busy bee of the bunch or the one who's buzzing with all the gossip. This person is always on the move and has good social skills. Every time you run in to them, you're sure to get the scoop on something good.

Lucky Charms
This person has major luck or they could simply be the charming one of the bunch. Whether they have a way with words, are popular or stumble upon lots of great opportunities, they're known for getting themselves out of sticky situations. They could be a quick thinker or have charismatic characteristics.

Rice Krispies
Remember that song, "I'm so Krispy"? Yeah, if you don't its probably better that way too. Krispy was a slang term created to signify good fashion sense. The friend who's closet you always want to raid and is always well put together.

Special K
The one that leaves you wondering where you got them from sometimes. They could be very intelligent but are known for always saying the silliest things.

Trix
"Trix are for kids", so this friend is either the youngest, the most naive, or the one who acts the most childish. Could be very gullible or they maintain a certain image of innocence and purity.

Apple Jacks
You always have that friend who just seems like they were built with tough skin. Could be the fighter amongst your circle. Often sarcastic and could be considered as pessimistic by others.

Cap'n Crunch
Known to be bossy, the Cap'n Crunch friend is also considered the leader. They're known for constructing a lot of plans and dictating what everyone should be doing.

Cocoa Puffs
The wild child in the crew. Always down to do the craziest things and is known for coming up with wild ideas. They live life with spontaneity. They could get you into trouble but they're fun to have around because you never know what to expect when they're around.

FOTO OP: Venting Machine

Insert a coin into this machine and a dish comes crashing
down. A new form of anger release,by Ronnie Yarisal and
Katja Kublitz, without the need to clean up.

FOTO OP: Teething Rings?

Australian jewelry designer, Polly van der Glas,
designs rings made out of real, sterilized, human
teeth. New tooth fairy in town?

For The Record: Rude Boy

I love the production of Rihanna's latest vid. The graphics, colors and artistic feel are a great twist on all the videos that are out right now. It looks very Andy Warhol meets the 80s meets the West Indies. It's fun and Im happy Rihanna has taken it back to her roots. The industry has been missing a Pon De Replay track.

Film Reel: The N Word

In honor of Black History Month, enjoy this ten minute documentary from AV Rockwell. Links to her vimeo are listed below.

N. from AV Rockwell on Vimeo.

Fiesta Fiesta

If you're headed out for a night on the town, with thoughts of impressing someone, make sure you keep all your cool points by avoiding these top five party mishaps.

1. Fighting: Whether it be with the person you came with or with someone in the party, fighting is just useless. You run the risk of shutting off the fun for everyone by having the party end, ruining the night of the person you came with or getting yourself into trouble. Either way it's not worth it.

2. Bad Timing: When you're approaching someone to dance with, make sure the timing is appropriate. Especially if you're a boy. I hate when I'm jamming out to a song with my friends that's important to us and someone tries to pull me for a dance. Or sometimes the song just isn't a song that's meant for two people to dance to. Feel out the vibe before you make moves.

3. Two Left Feet: If you're not the best dancer, you need to practice some basic moves so you don't look a mess on the dance floor. It's frustrating dancing with a dance partner so bad that they make you question your own abilities.

4. Personal Space: This one extends anywhere from clinging to the same person all night (given exceptions) to having traveling hands, and invading your dance partner's personal space. It's just overwhelming. On the other hand, if you are trying to talk to someone new at a party and are just floating around asking everyone for their number, don't think people are taking notice.

5. Wrong Attire: Wearing the wrong thing to a party can definitely knock you down a few notches. Depending on the party, sometimes you can't even enter if you're wearing a fitted cap. Sneakers are cool for some environments, but others require a more grown look so make sure you know the dress code. Feeling like wearing those extra high heels? Cool, but make sure you're careful. Ive seen girls fall at parties because the floors started to sweat. It's just not a good look.

Feeling Lonely?

If you're feeling alone this February, these two products
show that there are always others far worse than yourself.


Roxxy, the world's most advanced sex-bot
This was invented to really feel like a woman
and even makes similar intimate sounds.
Prostitution has competition.

The Boyfriend Pillow

Apparently consumers are reportedly lonelier

than ever, that manufacturers decided to help

them out. Desperate much?

FOTO OP: Pee-nomenal

Outrageous urinals from all over.

FOTO OP: Barlite Beer Bottle Chandelier

Four Years

Said to be the best years of your life or four of the most important in determining who you are, the time span of college passes in a flash. It's the second semester of junior year and it already feels like freshman year was just yesterday. Going in, one of the most memorable pieces of advice was "Bring weed and Jack Daniels with you in your suitcase. Everyone will love you!" This coming from Adam, a real estate agent in one of Brooklyn's biggest landmarks. No, I didn't pack that in my suitcase but the point of that advice was to live it up. He had ended that conversation by telling me, basically when you get out, you have to grow up and when you grow up shit gets crazy. And now, fast-forwarding three years later, I find myself transitioning out of the desire to party all the time and into a more preparatory mind frame. Everyone gets you ready to go in but no one prepares you to come out.

I read an article from Entrepreneur about how my generation isn't prepared to fail. We're full of working abilities and ideas but we're not set up to deal with the obstacles if those ideas don't pull through. I'm a futuristic thinker so I'm always looking ahead, which is a strength and a downfall, but I can't help but feel that a lot of people in my age bracket aren't equipped to deal with life after school. When the four years pass, life doesn't have to be fearful if you set yourself up from now to deal with it. I'm not saying to disregard the present. In fact, the present is what sets up your future.

My Selling Concepts and Strategies professor told us "College promises you a degree but it doesn't promise you a W2." Your four years should be about having fun, being involved in extracurriculars/things that relate to what you want your career to be, and making the most out of that tuition money. That's the best balance.

Friendliest Room in the House

I swear if Bathrooms could talk, a lot of us would be in trouble. The bathroom is like that friend you have who's sworn to secrecy. It knows things a lot of other people don't know about you (and for good reason). Like that time you got caught plucking/waxing/primping/shaving. Or how you accidentally wet yourself turning the shower on, thinking you were running a bath. When you flushed something that wasn't toilet paper, like say an animal for instance? The disaster of trying to bathe the cat/dog. Even that time you fell asleep on the toilet/ in the shower. Heck, it even knows you like to use a bar soap and body wash combination. Why do you think the television shows always have the nosy new friend or interest snooping around in there? Or that people feel as if they need permission to enter your bathroom once in your home?

Public bathrooms aren't even favored amongst many. They're like the person you turn to in dire emergencies. For me, it just doesn't own up to the same standards as my bathroom. It gives others the chance to impinge upon that privacy that's supposed to be reserved for me and my bathroom. You ever got stuck doing a number 2 in a public bathroom and someone walks in and you just don't even wanna come out until they leave? In high school, I probably count the number of times I used that bathroom on my hands. It was just gross to me. But even they hold all the juiciness, serving as social spots, meeting areas, personal spaces to cry in, hold secret conversations, hide out, have secret rendezvous', you name it.

It's so easy to build love/hate relationships with the bathroom. You love it, but cleaning it has become the most hated chore. You love being in it once you're there, but the process of getting there doesn't excite you. You hate when people leave all that excess water around the sink. It has to be a certain way. Either way, like the friends you keep, it remains a reflection of self.

Here are some fun bathroom facts from randomfacts.org:

• An average person takes a trip to the bathroom 2500 times a year.
• Approx. 3 yrs of your life is spent on the toilet.
• Goldfish, false teeth, socks, mice, toy cars, toothbrushes, and Barbies are amongst a list of things People have thrown down the toilet.
• Brushing your teeth with the water on wastes five gallons of water.
• Females take 3 times as long as males in the bathroom.

FOTO OP: Honest Tea Ad

I decided to go with a simple look for this ad. Feedback?

Fairytale Complex

There are a lot of people out there looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right and longing for fairytale relationships. Here are a few categories that put a twist to that definition. You could be living that storybook lifestyle and not even know it.

Beauty and the Beast: I know you've seen and thought this one before. The cute guy/girl with the not-so-hot significant other. And you're just dying to know what their personality is like or what they have in common that makes their relationship work. Superficial, but the world is built on superficiality. The thing you don't realize is that sometimes, these couples have the best relationships because they're in tune with who each other is on the inside. Other times it's problematic because each person involved in the relationship can hold on to the other for the wrong reasons. In various types of Beauty and the Beast relationships, the more attractive mate is insecure and the relationship poses as a security blanket for them. The less attractive mate could be scared to let go of the relationship, even if they feel they're not being treated right because they don't think they can ever get any better so they try to hold on to it. Be open to prospective mates, because you're never sure of what you could be missing and above all don't settle for less than what you deserve.

Cinderella: The girl looking for the glass slipper. She has such good qualities but it's not really noticed or taken into much consideration from others. She's wondering when the hell is the Prince going to come along? The frustration can lead them to trying to create a Prince out of someone who doesn't fit the description. On the other hand, another Cinderella is the girl who believes she posesses more valuable characteristics than she actually does. Therefore she scrutinizes every little detail about people she dates, thinking they need to live up to her ideal image of royalty. Bottom line is you can't force things into place, you have to let them fall into it.

Hansel and Grethel: The brother and sister type who are so close to each other that they're scared to elevate to anything else in fear of risking their friendship. No matter how many breadcrumbs they leave, they can't find their way to that ideal spot that they really want to be at. It's a tricky position to be in. Most argue that it's not worth it to lose close relationships, but another way of thinking about it is that a lot of positiveones include people who are friends aside from being lovers.

Goldilocks and the Three Bears: With this complex, I'm not placing a female gender on Goldilocks, even though she's a girl in the story. This refers to that person you know who's constantly going through friends and dating them, as if they're trying to find the right one out of a crew. Like Goldilocks, they test out the different areas, and then it's on to the next one. This usually causes ridges in female friendships more than males, because males are more likely to hold their friendships higher and just take it out on the female. Either way, this is just not a fairytale you want to be apart of.

The Gingerbread Man: This person is always running away from people who are in serious pursuit of them. But like the Gingerbread Man, it can only lead to their demise. It doesn't lead to any benefit. Whatever's preventing them from getting serious, needs to be analyzed. It's often due to hurt or what they learned from others experiences. Another scenario of the Gingerbread Man is the person who similarly avoids the right people and lets the wrong person capture them. It's common for people to look for love in the wrong places, so don't overlook the nooks and crannies. There could be gold there.

Fairytales aren't always good or have the best endings. Focus on writing your own story instead of looking for one that's already written.