F That, It's Okay... [Once Upon A Summer]

Everyone's got a few guilty pleasures or things we've done in the past that are silly. This post is to let you know you're not alone. Today's topic is called "Once Upon A Summer" which lists ten things you're guilty of or may have done during the summer time.

F That, It's Okay...

1. To know your neighborhood ice cream truck driver by first name.
2. To speak into the fan and laugh at the funny sound it makes with your voice.
3. If you add an extra five minutes in your lunch break today because the weather's beautiful and you know by the time you come out of work, the sun will be setting.
4. To lick the dripping icey off your hand instead of using a napkin.
5. To be addicted to barbeque food. Fresh off the grill? Yum.
6. To add an extra coat of polish over that chipped toenail because you don't feel like getting them re-done yet, and you'll be damned if you have to subject your feet to closed-toe shoes.
7. To walk around your house bare-foot.
8. To skinny-dip.
9. To break out the water balloons, supersoakers or open the hydrant.
10. To know all the words to that raunchy summer song.

Fixated on Ivory or Ebony

In light of the new Slim Thug Vibe Magazine article, I've decided to tackle the issues facing dating black and white women. You see, some parts of Slim Thug's argument I found some truth in and other parts I thought were just downright ignorant. I won't say he should've phrased it better because to me, that would've been sugar coating how he felt. I disagreed with some of WHAT he said not HOW he said it and it's not because I'm Black. You should probably take a look at the article before you go any further... http://www.vibe.com/posts/slim-thug-black-women-need-stand-their-man-more

That being read...

A lot of Black women have a larger voice. Not only in volume but being that they will say what a lot of women want to say but choose to keep in, and then it comes off as nagging or argumentative. I've heard a White woman keep something in because "she doesn't want to come off a certain way." There's been instances where a Black man has commanded a White woman to go get him some pizza and she has jumped out the car and spoon fed it to him as he's driving.

Would I have done that? No. I'll buy you the slice but I don't know about spoon-feeding you like you're a baby. Especially at command. But who's to say that has to do with my race? That's my personality. I think people need to learn how to ask for things they want in better ways, and they'll get the results they want.

I have seen white girls at my school cry week after week in the bars because their boyfriends are kissing on girls in front of their faces, treating them mean and they hop right in the cab with them at the end of night despite everything. Or give it a little time in between to numb down the anger and few weeks later, they're back at it, full swing. Now this is not to say I haven't seen Black girls go back to men who have done them wrong. Women, in general, will choose how much they will put up with and will go through similar experiences. I've just noticed that our Ivorys are more submissive and our Ebonys will complain more about it. Even if they're thinking the exact same thing.

At the same time, I believe a lot of the Black men who are making these statements are the ones who want to do whatever they want to do and speak however they want to speak. As Slim Thug says "do all the shit he says." I've seen people who have made these statements, go behind their partners back and cheat and FB message girls and lie. They want to do whatever they want, without getting slack for it. And Slim Thug probably has been on that side of the fence if he isn't right now. Aside from the money hungry females that are out for the money a man has to provide, or looking for a sponsor, females in general just want something that says I appreciate you on a day that's not a holiday. Chivalry, just like men want some of the older customs within females to remain.

A lot of the Ivory and Ebony comparisons don't look at the type of family life that each has grown up in, and I think family life has a lot to do with how you respond in relationships. You could grow up seeing your mom being the bossier figure in a relationship and have that same appeal to men you're dating and if they end up being bossier than you, depending on your personality you could remain or be attracted to the fact that no one has ever been bossier than you. It's environment and family that have major effect on relationships and different races do have different environments and family lifestyles.

That being said, Black people in general need to work on relationships inside their race and outside their race. People, in general, need to work on relationships. Ebony, Ivory, Black Man, White Man, Pink Man, Red Man. We need to cater to each other, communicate better, and listen to each other. Break the stereotypes, don't continue to feed into them.

Forget-Me-Not

Everybody wants to shine...stand out from the pack in their own way. The world remains one big competition and the huddles of support end up getting smaller. I was speaking to someone about what my favorite compliments are. Yeah, looks are nice but after a while we get desensitized to those. A boy trying to swoon you, whispers a few nice words in your ear and after the rejection, you can spot him doing the same thing, twenty seconds later, in the ear of some chick with a face that looks like she should've never been born. Harsh? Ehh you get the point, we've all seen it happen. Our conversation led to the discovery that besides a few others, my favorite compliments aren't of me but rather my work, my creativity.

In thinking about that, I've gathered that we are in the age of the "Forget-Me-Not's." So many of us have talent that we are dying to broadcast, just waiting for a chance to be remembered for something great... looking for RECOGNITION. Yet, it seems the hardest to get. Especially from those around you. In times where we are bombarded with social networks, you would think it would be easy to build recognition or gain feedback with 1000 friends, pending friend requests and up to the minute status updates. But who's really listening?

When you make it, people claim they always knew you'd hit the top. Yet when you're building up to get there, no one gives you any props. Women, in particular, suffer when it comes to building each other up. Black people fall into this category as well. Instead of helping to spread interest for each other, they rather do their own thing or wait 'til they see a large crowd of people promoting something to decide that it's worth attaching their name to it. Even in relationships, friends, or families you can see the struggle to support movements and lack of inspiration or motivation. We rather network with strangers, than with each other. It's a wild realization, but I have it all the time. We all fall victim, I believe, because it's so hard to rise individually that we have harder times seeing those around us get to higher places. Truth is, sometimes you can only help yourself further by helping others.

Flirtin' With A Virgin

Yes, there are still some left. Heads high, waving V-Cards proudly in the air. For moral reasons or personal reasons, they know how to say "No." But are they happy? It's a question all virgins have to ask themselves in an age like this where sex sells and relationships are holding that as a high determinant of whether they will succeed or not.

At first, they might want to scream "Yes!" on the defense. But it's a serious question that involves a lot of self-reflection. When we are younger, it's so much easier to maintain relationships but as we meddle in our twenties, men are asking for more than just conversation. They are looking for a promised intimacy, because what one woman isn't willing to give another will. But even when given everything they need, men still are known to wander off.

Do virgins have a hard time trusting males more than other females? Should they have to settle with open relationships or linger in the dating phase?

Virgins should seek older guys because they are more likely out of the mindframe where they need multiple women and will hold sex over getting to know someone. Don't get me wrong, there isn't a better type of man depending on his age but older men tend to have higher levels of maturity. Virgins can also date other virgins, so that the pressure is not there and they are allowed to make the decision together.

All a person really needs to be is understanding, both on the virgin's side and the side of their partner. If you believe a person is worth it, you're willing to make certain sacrifices, depending on where you are in your life. Virgins show great character, discipline and values. This is by no means a post telling virgins that converting is the only way to obtain a successful relationship, it's simply interesting chit chat.

Four-One-One on Dating Older Men

It's a known fact that women mature faster than men, whether males are ready to admit it or not. So it's no surprise that many women are into men above their age bracket. Some of us shun away the you're-old-enough-to-be-my-father candidates calling them "creeps" yet embrace the thoughts of holding hands with a Morris Chestnut or LL Cool J. Yea, I'm not afraid to say I'm in that category. Have you seen Morris? Idris Elba?...enough said.

Dating older men bring a certain status if you're younger. Think of going to school and wanting to date the older boy. As women, we get captivated by their experience, their dominance and their knowledge. But on the flip side, it can also be looked down on if the person is too old. Girls are known to even make age brackets or boundaries that they're not willing to pass due to age. One of the first questions you want to know when you meet someone is "How old are you..." Is too much emphasis placed on age? The media seems to favor men who like older women but makes it seem sometimes as if women are more of the gold-digger type or have ulterior motives if they are reaching out for the older guy. Think Hugh Heff's bunnies.

If you're into the older guy, here's the 4-1-1.

1. Better Communicators
Simply put, they have the tendency to express thoughts, concerns, and feelings better. They handle situations more maturely, and are great for conversing. It can seem intimidating for some women when it comes to conversation with an older man but can brighten perspective.

2. "Trust Me..."
Older men are known to hold age as a reason to trust what they're saying over your word. Some think their level of experience overshadows your thoughts, even if they're a year older.

3. Age Aint Nuthin But A Number
Just because men are older, doesn't mean they don't have child-like tendencies. You can definitely run into older men that act worse than males your age.

4. Upgrade You
Older men can help you learn things at a much faster rate, put you onto new places, ideas, or share things with you that you wouldn't have otherwise known. They can definitely help you in areas you might require help whether it be at work, personal advice or introduce to some of the finer things in life.

5. Stages of Life
Make sure that what you want out of life at the current moment aligns with the person you're with. For example, an older man might be seeking to start a family or depending on his age, be finished with having children. The stage of a person's life determines what they'll seek out of a relationship.

Successful relationships bank on effort, communication and passion. It's not as important to focus on your year to year difference as it is to focus on how you see eye to eye. Men are still men, no matter the birth date.