'Fraid to Ask the Right Questions

I was sitting in Radio class today, surfing the net per usual (this time for MBA information) when my teacher called on me to be interviewed by another classmate. The interview glossed over silly, comfortable things like what my Halloween was like (Awesome btw!) and what i wanted to do (Advertising, marketing, tv/fashion, entrepreneur extraordinaire) and where i was from (NYC BABY!) It didn't really capture the gist of what the teacher wanted to hear though. Didn't capture who I was. All the time, during the interview I was thinking "I don't know what these people want to hear... I don't really have anything to say." Then the teacher interrupted with one statement "Tell me about yourself in thirty seconds..." and it opened so much more a unveiling, free-flowing interesting conversation.

It's the questions you ask others, the questions you ask yourself as well as what you're willing to respond with.

I'm such a private person. I don't think there's anyone out there that knows everything that's happened to me. (Could be a good or bad thing.) Half due to the fact that people don't ask the right questions and the other part due to the fact that I don't say. I look at reality shows like Real World and can never picture myself on there. My life opened for the world to see? I'll pass. I admit it would be a hell of a show though.

"Live Fast, Die Young" just came on my iPod. I love that song, and I dont think it'll ever get old to me. Live for the moment and put a bullet on it. Half of me believes that if i was forced to say all my actions out loud, I'd think about them more before I just dove into them. I kind of embrace the thoughtlessness of being carefree in life too though. It's the best and worst thing that's ever happened to such a futuristic thinker and planner such as myself. I encourage everyone to live in the now. It's the only way to learn for the future, realize your past and understand your present. Anyway I'm going on a tangent...

Back to the interview. The point of the interview was to reach below the surface and learning to ask the right questions in order to get the sort of answers you want. Even when the person we're asking the questions to are ourselves. We're scared to find things out about ourselves, others, we simply don't care, or are not willing to analyze. A lot of the times I find myself asking "Why doesn't that person know that?" "Why is that man like 25 and not advancing...? Doesn't he see his peers passing him?" "Why does she keep making the same mistake over and over expecting a different result?" Those people probably haven't had any one ask them those questions or they don't ask themselves those questions.

And asking questions stretches beyond just uncovering interesting things, it's about opening opportunities. I would ask my aunt if she was busy and she'd confirm and I'd leave it that. My Grandma would force me to go back to her and ask her directly if she'd take me somewhere and she'd say "yes." I never wanted to ask the direct question though.

It could be the same private part of me that likes to hold back information until Im sure it'll be received well but I think we each have a bit of that in us and it's more hindering than helpful. And so the process of making my voice louder begins. It's not that no one wants to listen, sometimes you have to force them to. Even if the person is yourself.

Quarter life crisis' exist. I feel like at least half our generation will experience one."

A bad white girl is BETTER than any bad anything..."

Heard a Black male say this. Bad meaning "incredibly sexy." I won't express my feelings about it, I'll just let it marinate with you guys. Everybody has an opinion...right?

Fugly People Are on the Come-Up

"U-G-L-Y you aint got no alibi... you ugly yeah yeah you ugly." I never truly knew what that meant but I sang it anyway along with the other kids caught up in it's catchiness and understanding the overall message of calling out the ugly ducklings. As we grow up, the importance of appearance is ingrained in our systems. It seems the less attractive folk (someone once told me you shouldn't call people ugly) got the short end of the stick but now it seems they are definitely on the rise and showing off in more ways than one.

People used to ignore Lil Wayne all the time when he was younger, aka the before the dreads and "i can actually rap" era. I'm sure he had groupies being apart of Cash Money Millionaires but he was no sex symbol. Now he's having babies with Lauren London and everyone thinks he's the Sugar Honey Iced Tea. And I can't forget the fact that Necole Bitchie tweeted her love for Ricky Rozay. There are people out there crushing hard on Rick Ross right now! Yes I said...Rick Ross. Some people think that tatted up, shirt off without any pacs, free-way bearded look is sexy. Hey, Foxy went out with him or was placed with him at some point so I'm sure she doesn't disagree.

And yeah some can say "Maybe it's the money..." Sometimes it truly is. I don't know... money can never cover up a face to me. Eh, personality is a different thing but no one likes to claim that as a reason they become attracted to someone.

I applaud that beauty changes within eras though. God knows I look back at pictures of myself from before and go "Who let me look like that?!..." On America's Top Model, I hear people say all the time "Da-yumm that girl is ugly! Why is she even on the show?" and it's interesting to know that those girls mark a new definition of beauty and are making more money than some of the people at home putting them in the category of ugly.

In schools the pretty people ran things and now those who aren't considered the creme de la creme are still portraying the utmost confidence. People used to say ugly girls are getting pretty friends just to be in the in crowd. They still say it. Ask a girl who the ugly one in her crew is and she'll swear up and down they're all bad. Bad meaning good.

Where as back in the day, the less attractive people were cowering away from the spotlight, they currently certainly seem to be inching to the forefront screaming "Back then they didn't want me, now I'm hot they allll on me!"

FOTO OP: Imma 80s Baby

My fam thinks it's cool to post embarrassing pics of me on the internet, but I had to repost because this has 80s baby written all over it.

FOTO OP: Trojan Magnum Ad

A Magnum ad I created last year. Eh, I think this would be an effective campaign.

Fella Directory

Wouldn't the world be a better place, if there was a directory where you could look up a man's credentials? Who has the big red "X" written next to their names and who has the extra credit points? A book written by females they've been with (or males for that matter)...men critics. Would it be a print copy sold special places or an online version? I think I like online version better; more easily accessible and more likely to be updated.

This Fella Directory would have to come fully equipped. I'm talkin references, height, age, photos, body count, bad habits, hobbies, education levels, objectives, complaints...something like a Male Resume. I want to know who's heading to the barbershop on the regular. Fresh haircuts boost up a man's sexy points immediately. And hey, let's not forget the Feel Test.

Every great directory has sections! Imagine? Tabs separating the boys who stand on the corner all day from the ones who are out working, the ones who prefer this shade of woman from that shade, celebrity info! The list goes on and on. Since our great F.D. hasn't been created yet, here's a few sections with info that could come in handy.
"Undercover Brother":
If you have gay friends, they can help out tremendously in this department. Their gaydar is either super strong or they have great tactics of revealing the down-low men. Trust me, sometimes they've even hooked up with them. They're never afraid to tell it like it is.
"Nice Guys Finish Last" :
Whether they're reformed players, the brotherly types or the lames, this group of men can be the hardest to seek out. Especially when everyone wants to be the asshole nowadays. I find that the nice guys are the ones who have good people surrounding them. You can tell a way a person is by the company they keep, their views on family, their faith, their interactions in social places, and their choice words. And by choice words, I mean that nice guys are usually very particular about how what they choose to say as they are aware of others feelings.
"Athletes":
Not all athletes are players. Look at Carmelo and Lala. Just about 98% haha. If you're thinking about hooking up with one, I think it really depends on the stage you are at and that they are at (more than likely that's the not wanting to date stage). Athletes are all about moving at a pace that they feel comfortable with. Be cautious, they're used to getting things their way. A plus is great eye candy and physical strength.
"Mama's Boys": You want a guy to love his mama but not be IN LOVE with his mama. Huge difference. Mama's boys are always gonna compare you to their mothers and most likely their moms are gonna be a hassle because they've become used to all the woman attention being on them.
"The Crazies": You want to see a boy get angry before deciding whether or not a relationship is right for you. You need to know if you can handle him at his worst. You also need to analyze their habits. Some people have weird fetishes... Hey crazy people tend to like other crazy people. Sometimes they think if you don't have a bit of crazy in you you're boring so this section should definitely make the directory if one was ever to come about.

Our manual is somewhere lost in the warps of the future. For now we have to stick to the good ole word of mouth, trial and error, social network phases. Yea, I said social network and not for you to go scoping out men on there...unless that's your thing. Wouldn't advise it though. Only because I think it tells you subtle things about a person. I've never been one to really take a male seriously who has a lot of girls posting their infatuations all over his wall, or who's flirting through twitter with various females. But hey, could just be me.

Oh yeah, and ladies I think I should share two rules with you: 1. Never recommend male friends to other females unless you know they're genuinely good people because girls can turn around and blame you for the downfalls and 2. Always do your hw... if you are friends with someone who's friends with a male your interested in possibly pursuing something long-term with, make sure he hasn't already dipped in the friend circle already.

Females Come In Twos

Behind every woman stands her alter ego. Beyonce has Sasha Fierce and Nicki Minaj has Roman Zolanski. That's why their female fans can identify with them so well. Call us bi-polar if you'd like but I prefer to think of it as being... dimensional. Something like a sour patch kid. Sweet and Sour. I've had boys tell me that I'm mean before, and I'm not even gonna blame that on my environment and say that "it's a New York thing" because I believe all girls have a little brash, tell-it-how-it-is vibe to 'em. New Yorkers just have a little more "Kiss My Ass" swag than some :) Some girls are on the faker side of things or just conceal it well.

The sweet and sour ratio differs depending on the female as well as who they're interacting with. Sweet refers to everything nice and caring about a female. Her soft side, her lady-like qualities, her ability to be understanding, giving. It's what drives her to go out of her way. The holding cell of emotions and what makes her vulnerable. The sour side is not even about being nasty or bitter, it's her confidence, her strength, her show face even if she's feeling shy or nervous on the inside. The Ms. Independent, "I Can Do Bad All By Myself" side. The side that has a voice and an opinion and is not afraid to share it.

Now, having two selves is not to be confused with being two-faced and I don't mean two selves completely. No Jekylls and Hydes over here. I'm talking an outer layer and inner layer. Us females are so concerned with how we're being perceived. And even when we're not concerned, someone out there is judging us still. Seeing what kind of vibe they can pick up off of us. Our outer layer is what we show the world first and as you peel the layers you get to know who we are inside as well.

I don't have a name for my alter ego. I'm not as cool as Beyonce or Nicki but gimme some time and maybe I'll be able to rummage up something for you. I have stage fright and every time I have to do something on stage, I would say I put my "game face" on or become a more confident version of what I'm feeling on the inside. Now that I think about it, it's not even limited to the stage... just somewhere I feel uncomfortable or I feel like the spotlight and pressure is being placed on me. Interviews, jobs where there are people around me in much higher positions, when I'm given large responsibility. 'Cause even if you feel like you're dripping you can't let 'em see ya sweat.

"Don't like my women single. I like my chicks in twos..." Good news Drake. Single or not, we're all doubled up.

FOTO OP: St. Ignatius Tutoring

An ad I created for a tutoring program.

Feelin It? : Ringling Brothers Ri-Ri

Rihanna takes on a daring outfit for the shoot of her new video "What's My Name." The red hair hasn't grown on me yet, and I don't think it will. Certain sections of the outfit are great. Loving the referee blazer! Black and white stripes with pops of color are an automatic "Yes" for me. The socks with the Oxford shoes are another quirky liking of mine even I don't think I'd be able to pull it off. However, together it all just seems really busy and all over the place. Fishnets? Take 'em off immediately. But I applaud Rihanna for always going out of the norm. Certain people are allowed to stretch the boundaries of fashion. Ehh... I feel like she would still be able to make it work if she didn't have that hair. No?

FOTO OP: Antoine Dodson in Classwork!

The extra credit question on my quiz! Lmao! (click the picture to see it better)

Fishing in the Male Mind

The male mind. A cosmic space filled with women, sports, more women, more sports... yeah that's it pretty much. Oh yeah, can't forget food and recreation too. So simple, yet so complex. Most of the time women wish they could land smack dab in the center of a man's mind and have him teach the ways of his kind. Other times we sensibly understand that maybe we don't want to find out what lies beneath.

I read an article over the summer (can't recall the mag...I was floating between Essence and Elle) that explored the thoughts of a few men in relationships. They walked through the streets undressing women in their minds, mentally eliminating who they wouldn't get physical with and googly-eyeing bodacious body parts. The mind was a place for them to tango with the thoughts of cheating for fear that if actually acted upon they would lose everything. Everything equaling the wives, girlfriends, and/or children waiting at home.

Besides leaving me wishing that men came with thought bubbles when walking down the street, I was curious if this was just something specially ingrained in the Y chromosome. Do women toy with the ideas of what they'd do to complete strangers? Besides celebrities of course. Is it common for all men to pick apart women without them even knowing, to mind flirt on the sidewalk? Innocent attractions leading to a drift in thoughts some might say.

I think men and women are taunted from "The Ones Not Had." The ones they could've engaged in intimacy with and just didn't for whatever reasons. The ones they wanted, but just were a bit out of reach. That always opens room for thoughts to wander, but does it ever just completely sizzle out?

Food for thought.

Four People You Never Want Advice From

What should I do about this? What do you think about that? What would you do if...?

We all ask for advice. It's a half cup of indecisiveness, one fourth uncertainty, and another fourth of just wanting to hear someone tell you you're not crazy. The recipe for disaster or success. Somehow people always end up asking the wrong people though. Stay clear of these folks when you're looking for quality advice.

1. The One Who's Doing Worse Than You
I never got the sense in doing this. I can't ask a person for advice if they're not at the same level or higher than me in that area. If I'm happier than you, I'm not gonna pick your brain on ways to increase my happiness when you can't even bring about happiness in your own life. Heck, you should be asking me for advice on what I'm doing right.

2. The Yes Man
Sometimes we tend to want to hear our own thoughts reiterated by someone else, just to make us feel better. Half the time, it's not the best option. You want to be able to rely on the person you're asking advice from, knowing that they aren't just going to say what you want to hear. Someone who challenges your thoughts might even give you a new perspective.

3. The Conventionalist
The problem with asking people who are too stuck in tradition, is that their answers can be too safe sometimes. You want a thought that stems from someone with an open mind, who can judge something without thinking if it fits into tradition or not.

4. The "If It Were Me" Guy
Well it's not you. People have different standards, beliefs, levels of tolerance, etcetera etcetera. A person needs to be able to give advice from an outside perspective. In different scenarios, what you would do is not necessarily the best option for that person so keeping their interests, experiences and their values in mind is key in making suggestions.

Asking the wrong people for advice gets you nowhere and if anything, just puts you in more a sticky situation. Of course, different people's advice-giving levels will vary depending on your subject matter so evaluate accordingly. It saves time, energy and breathe!

Foxtrot to School

Just discovered Wildfox Couture. Definitely a fan. Posted these in three pics in the spirit of being back to school.

Frog-Prince Trauma

So many women wallow in their singledom, yearning for a smooth frog-turned-prince to hold their hand and skip off into forever with. They spend their whole lives spinning around in a circle screaming "Where is my Prince Charming?!?!" They become so infatuated with the prospect of being in love and having a relationship that every person they kick it off with is a possible marriage in the making. Enough already. I get it, not everyone's cut out for the inconsistency, juggling lifestyle that can come along with the single life. Some people consider it too boring, and they rather have something stable with one person. Others have hoola-hooped in the single circle way too long and just finally want someone to build a connection with. I get it.

What I've noticed, however, is a span of desperation waving through females these days. They get so caught up in trying to form something that they lose focus of so many other important things that they should wrapping their heads around within their own lives. When you have yourself together, then the situations in your life begin to come together. I've recently been asked to complete a survey on campus and two of the questions were "Why did you come to Loyola?" and "What do you want to do after college?". Some of the answers included "to meet a mate" and "start a family," and it set in that some people really go through major parts of their lives in deep search for another to fulfill them.

On the other far side of the spectrum are those who praise the single life so much that they begin to hate on others in relationships, simply because of their own lack of being in one. Haters, for a lack of better words. We all know them.

My message to the depressed love crooners is SNAP OUT OF IT! You want to be a happy, complete version of yourself so that when you do get into a relationship, it's equal and healthy. Who wants to be labeled as the clingy, needy one? Don't get so caught up in the fairytale that you forget to build and create your own story. Live your life first, and the rest of the pieces of the puzzle will fill themselves in without you forcefully jamming them together.