Fella Directory

Wouldn't the world be a better place, if there was a directory where you could look up a man's credentials? Who has the big red "X" written next to their names and who has the extra credit points? A book written by females they've been with (or males for that matter)...men critics. Would it be a print copy sold special places or an online version? I think I like online version better; more easily accessible and more likely to be updated.

This Fella Directory would have to come fully equipped. I'm talkin references, height, age, photos, body count, bad habits, hobbies, education levels, objectives, complaints...something like a Male Resume. I want to know who's heading to the barbershop on the regular. Fresh haircuts boost up a man's sexy points immediately. And hey, let's not forget the Feel Test.

Every great directory has sections! Imagine? Tabs separating the boys who stand on the corner all day from the ones who are out working, the ones who prefer this shade of woman from that shade, celebrity info! The list goes on and on. Since our great F.D. hasn't been created yet, here's a few sections with info that could come in handy.
"Undercover Brother":
If you have gay friends, they can help out tremendously in this department. Their gaydar is either super strong or they have great tactics of revealing the down-low men. Trust me, sometimes they've even hooked up with them. They're never afraid to tell it like it is.
"Nice Guys Finish Last" :
Whether they're reformed players, the brotherly types or the lames, this group of men can be the hardest to seek out. Especially when everyone wants to be the asshole nowadays. I find that the nice guys are the ones who have good people surrounding them. You can tell a way a person is by the company they keep, their views on family, their faith, their interactions in social places, and their choice words. And by choice words, I mean that nice guys are usually very particular about how what they choose to say as they are aware of others feelings.
"Athletes":
Not all athletes are players. Look at Carmelo and Lala. Just about 98% haha. If you're thinking about hooking up with one, I think it really depends on the stage you are at and that they are at (more than likely that's the not wanting to date stage). Athletes are all about moving at a pace that they feel comfortable with. Be cautious, they're used to getting things their way. A plus is great eye candy and physical strength.
"Mama's Boys": You want a guy to love his mama but not be IN LOVE with his mama. Huge difference. Mama's boys are always gonna compare you to their mothers and most likely their moms are gonna be a hassle because they've become used to all the woman attention being on them.
"The Crazies": You want to see a boy get angry before deciding whether or not a relationship is right for you. You need to know if you can handle him at his worst. You also need to analyze their habits. Some people have weird fetishes... Hey crazy people tend to like other crazy people. Sometimes they think if you don't have a bit of crazy in you you're boring so this section should definitely make the directory if one was ever to come about.

Our manual is somewhere lost in the warps of the future. For now we have to stick to the good ole word of mouth, trial and error, social network phases. Yea, I said social network and not for you to go scoping out men on there...unless that's your thing. Wouldn't advise it though. Only because I think it tells you subtle things about a person. I've never been one to really take a male seriously who has a lot of girls posting their infatuations all over his wall, or who's flirting through twitter with various females. But hey, could just be me.

Oh yeah, and ladies I think I should share two rules with you: 1. Never recommend male friends to other females unless you know they're genuinely good people because girls can turn around and blame you for the downfalls and 2. Always do your hw... if you are friends with someone who's friends with a male your interested in possibly pursuing something long-term with, make sure he hasn't already dipped in the friend circle already.

Females Come In Twos

Behind every woman stands her alter ego. Beyonce has Sasha Fierce and Nicki Minaj has Roman Zolanski. That's why their female fans can identify with them so well. Call us bi-polar if you'd like but I prefer to think of it as being... dimensional. Something like a sour patch kid. Sweet and Sour. I've had boys tell me that I'm mean before, and I'm not even gonna blame that on my environment and say that "it's a New York thing" because I believe all girls have a little brash, tell-it-how-it-is vibe to 'em. New Yorkers just have a little more "Kiss My Ass" swag than some :) Some girls are on the faker side of things or just conceal it well.

The sweet and sour ratio differs depending on the female as well as who they're interacting with. Sweet refers to everything nice and caring about a female. Her soft side, her lady-like qualities, her ability to be understanding, giving. It's what drives her to go out of her way. The holding cell of emotions and what makes her vulnerable. The sour side is not even about being nasty or bitter, it's her confidence, her strength, her show face even if she's feeling shy or nervous on the inside. The Ms. Independent, "I Can Do Bad All By Myself" side. The side that has a voice and an opinion and is not afraid to share it.

Now, having two selves is not to be confused with being two-faced and I don't mean two selves completely. No Jekylls and Hydes over here. I'm talking an outer layer and inner layer. Us females are so concerned with how we're being perceived. And even when we're not concerned, someone out there is judging us still. Seeing what kind of vibe they can pick up off of us. Our outer layer is what we show the world first and as you peel the layers you get to know who we are inside as well.

I don't have a name for my alter ego. I'm not as cool as Beyonce or Nicki but gimme some time and maybe I'll be able to rummage up something for you. I have stage fright and every time I have to do something on stage, I would say I put my "game face" on or become a more confident version of what I'm feeling on the inside. Now that I think about it, it's not even limited to the stage... just somewhere I feel uncomfortable or I feel like the spotlight and pressure is being placed on me. Interviews, jobs where there are people around me in much higher positions, when I'm given large responsibility. 'Cause even if you feel like you're dripping you can't let 'em see ya sweat.

"Don't like my women single. I like my chicks in twos..." Good news Drake. Single or not, we're all doubled up.

FOTO OP: St. Ignatius Tutoring

An ad I created for a tutoring program.

Feelin It? : Ringling Brothers Ri-Ri

Rihanna takes on a daring outfit for the shoot of her new video "What's My Name." The red hair hasn't grown on me yet, and I don't think it will. Certain sections of the outfit are great. Loving the referee blazer! Black and white stripes with pops of color are an automatic "Yes" for me. The socks with the Oxford shoes are another quirky liking of mine even I don't think I'd be able to pull it off. However, together it all just seems really busy and all over the place. Fishnets? Take 'em off immediately. But I applaud Rihanna for always going out of the norm. Certain people are allowed to stretch the boundaries of fashion. Ehh... I feel like she would still be able to make it work if she didn't have that hair. No?

FOTO OP: Antoine Dodson in Classwork!

The extra credit question on my quiz! Lmao! (click the picture to see it better)

Fishing in the Male Mind

The male mind. A cosmic space filled with women, sports, more women, more sports... yeah that's it pretty much. Oh yeah, can't forget food and recreation too. So simple, yet so complex. Most of the time women wish they could land smack dab in the center of a man's mind and have him teach the ways of his kind. Other times we sensibly understand that maybe we don't want to find out what lies beneath.

I read an article over the summer (can't recall the mag...I was floating between Essence and Elle) that explored the thoughts of a few men in relationships. They walked through the streets undressing women in their minds, mentally eliminating who they wouldn't get physical with and googly-eyeing bodacious body parts. The mind was a place for them to tango with the thoughts of cheating for fear that if actually acted upon they would lose everything. Everything equaling the wives, girlfriends, and/or children waiting at home.

Besides leaving me wishing that men came with thought bubbles when walking down the street, I was curious if this was just something specially ingrained in the Y chromosome. Do women toy with the ideas of what they'd do to complete strangers? Besides celebrities of course. Is it common for all men to pick apart women without them even knowing, to mind flirt on the sidewalk? Innocent attractions leading to a drift in thoughts some might say.

I think men and women are taunted from "The Ones Not Had." The ones they could've engaged in intimacy with and just didn't for whatever reasons. The ones they wanted, but just were a bit out of reach. That always opens room for thoughts to wander, but does it ever just completely sizzle out?

Food for thought.

Four People You Never Want Advice From

What should I do about this? What do you think about that? What would you do if...?

We all ask for advice. It's a half cup of indecisiveness, one fourth uncertainty, and another fourth of just wanting to hear someone tell you you're not crazy. The recipe for disaster or success. Somehow people always end up asking the wrong people though. Stay clear of these folks when you're looking for quality advice.

1. The One Who's Doing Worse Than You
I never got the sense in doing this. I can't ask a person for advice if they're not at the same level or higher than me in that area. If I'm happier than you, I'm not gonna pick your brain on ways to increase my happiness when you can't even bring about happiness in your own life. Heck, you should be asking me for advice on what I'm doing right.

2. The Yes Man
Sometimes we tend to want to hear our own thoughts reiterated by someone else, just to make us feel better. Half the time, it's not the best option. You want to be able to rely on the person you're asking advice from, knowing that they aren't just going to say what you want to hear. Someone who challenges your thoughts might even give you a new perspective.

3. The Conventionalist
The problem with asking people who are too stuck in tradition, is that their answers can be too safe sometimes. You want a thought that stems from someone with an open mind, who can judge something without thinking if it fits into tradition or not.

4. The "If It Were Me" Guy
Well it's not you. People have different standards, beliefs, levels of tolerance, etcetera etcetera. A person needs to be able to give advice from an outside perspective. In different scenarios, what you would do is not necessarily the best option for that person so keeping their interests, experiences and their values in mind is key in making suggestions.

Asking the wrong people for advice gets you nowhere and if anything, just puts you in more a sticky situation. Of course, different people's advice-giving levels will vary depending on your subject matter so evaluate accordingly. It saves time, energy and breathe!

Foxtrot to School

Just discovered Wildfox Couture. Definitely a fan. Posted these in three pics in the spirit of being back to school.

Frog-Prince Trauma

So many women wallow in their singledom, yearning for a smooth frog-turned-prince to hold their hand and skip off into forever with. They spend their whole lives spinning around in a circle screaming "Where is my Prince Charming?!?!" They become so infatuated with the prospect of being in love and having a relationship that every person they kick it off with is a possible marriage in the making. Enough already. I get it, not everyone's cut out for the inconsistency, juggling lifestyle that can come along with the single life. Some people consider it too boring, and they rather have something stable with one person. Others have hoola-hooped in the single circle way too long and just finally want someone to build a connection with. I get it.

What I've noticed, however, is a span of desperation waving through females these days. They get so caught up in trying to form something that they lose focus of so many other important things that they should wrapping their heads around within their own lives. When you have yourself together, then the situations in your life begin to come together. I've recently been asked to complete a survey on campus and two of the questions were "Why did you come to Loyola?" and "What do you want to do after college?". Some of the answers included "to meet a mate" and "start a family," and it set in that some people really go through major parts of their lives in deep search for another to fulfill them.

On the other far side of the spectrum are those who praise the single life so much that they begin to hate on others in relationships, simply because of their own lack of being in one. Haters, for a lack of better words. We all know them.

My message to the depressed love crooners is SNAP OUT OF IT! You want to be a happy, complete version of yourself so that when you do get into a relationship, it's equal and healthy. Who wants to be labeled as the clingy, needy one? Don't get so caught up in the fairytale that you forget to build and create your own story. Live your life first, and the rest of the pieces of the puzzle will fill themselves in without you forcefully jamming them together.

Freewrite

Everything I do today, I do not apologize for tomorrow. It's all for a reason. I don't justify any of my actions to anyone but myself. In this time and age, the rules are really simple: Screw or Be Screwed. And that's not meant to deter anyone's fluffy visions of the world, it's a simple motivator and reality check. Out there is always someone who want to dick you over and if you're not doing it, you're the one getting dicked.

You know someone out there who's not telling the truth, cheating on their significant other, working hard to take someone else's job, moving up the ladder, firing people who don't deserve to go, keeping secrets, holding back, setting someone up for failure, trying to steal your shine, acting like you're not really a big deal... If you don't know this person, they probably haven't told you.

A lot of the times the person doing the damage is our very selves. Depriving ourselves of succeeding further and getting what we want because of fear, insecurities, lack of strength, not enough wisdom, stupidity, friends, competition and other nouns that fall under the "Halting Progress" list. We screw ourselves over without even noticing until it's too late.

Good news is the late bell rings at the end of your day and then a new session begins as the sun rises the next. A new day to reinvent, push yourself harder, fight for what you want and believe in, make things right. Live life according to the rule book that you've written. Every day it changes; new pencil, a few cross-outs, and some erasing. This post is not meant to encourage people to hurt others or to be conniving and ruthless to those we encounter. After all, people depend on each other to survive and to get to high places! Friends, family, and loved ones are our backbone. You never want to sever that. It's a message to take what you can out of life or it will take it out of you. Get rid of your excuses and your sorry's and live life feeling unapologetic.

Free vs Free-quent

As women we have the innate desire to want to go out, unless you're a homebody... and eh, those are no fun (just kidding!...sorta). Who doesn't want to enjoy doing a variety of things outside instead of being cooped up in the house all the time? Cindi Lauper said it best: Girls just wanna have fun. Men tend to see going out as a negative because:
a. they're cheap
b. create pricey expectations in their heads or
c. are homebodies themselves

The key to happiness is compromising. Unless you're dealing with a female who was cut out from the makings of a Kanye West video, chances are they'll be willing to compromise with you. They can work around your busy schedule. They'll pay for outings sometimes or even offer to split the bill. It's 2010. Women are more along the lines of Destiny's Child's "Independent" than "Bills, Bills, Bills" and more than happy to show it.

Men have the idea that everything has to be over the top expensive in order to impress a female. Women enjoy doing things that are free, and they even enjoy staying home as well. The key is not doing that ALL the time, hence being "free-quent." A little variety goes a long way. Routine makes me want to hit the snooze button. Most women these days don't let anyone get in the way of things they want to do, so don't think your "Maybe next time..." puts an automatic halt to her plans. What one person won't do, another person will.

Don't be consumed by lust for intimacy and laziness. The She's in anyone's life who are well taken care of, reciprocate.

Faithful Fans of Hip-Hop?

You ever noticed when someone gets too hot in hip-hop, people like to put them down? Our youthful hip hop culture has grown to be a bunch of haters. It's as if whenever someone gains a lot of support, people rush to disown them or claim that they are being "too hyped up." It's like a relationship. It's as if people can't love an artist too much before they feel like pulling away. I've come to realize that this generation of hip-hop lovers can never just enjoy the music for what it is or be happy for an artist's success.

When Weezy started producing an uproar of good music, everyone began blasting his music. After a while, when people realize he's consistently coming out with bangers and growing an even larger fan base, you can hear some expressing their dislike. "Oh he's not that good anyway..." "I liked him before the hype..." "He's too commercial now.." "Who does he think he is?..."

Drake comes out with So Far Gone and the frenzy begins. The features grow. He's on this song and that song and before we know it, he's "the go-to guy for the hooks." So now that his first album drops, of course the spectators are back at their usual antics throwing shade on his name. "I'm tired of Drake..." "He's on too much songs now..." "He's not even that good, he has to EARN respect..." Meanwhile they're either still singing his songs, in the club dancing to his songs, or refusing to socially accept his contributions to music.

Now Ross drops "Blowin Money Fast" and has everyone thinking they're Big Meech or Larry Hoover. Not that he didn't have crazy lyrics before, but now you see more people recognizing The Boss himself with such a strong summer anthem. "Wheels look like a ferris, ya jeweler should be embarrassed..." Sometimes it's all in how a person says something. It doesn't have to be over-the-top thoughtful. Suddenly, you start noticing he's being featured on a lot of tracks lately and the excitement that are growing within people. I feel like once the consistency continues, the haters will show their faces as well, and the faithfulness is put to a test.

We even get consumed with artists' personal lives, even though their business has nothing to do with us. We make it our business to judge them. We forget they're human and have their own issues. It starts affecting the way we view their music and their talent and feel as if they owe it to us to redeem themselves. I've seen it happen with artists like Kanye, Alicia Keys, and Chris Brown, and I'm sure there are others.

Why this happens? I'm not exactly sure. I'm just here to expose it. People always want to be different for some reason. It's all about self image instead of music. They don't want to seem as if they're "jumping on the bandwagon" and some want to appear as if they were on that artist before anyone else was. If an artist is good, I don't see what's the big deal with just celebrating good music, whether it's lyrical or just plain catchy. We need to learn how to support each other more before hip-hop culture gets consumed by the hating and bitterness.

F That, It's Okay... [Once Upon A Summer]

Everyone's got a few guilty pleasures or things we've done in the past that are silly. This post is to let you know you're not alone. Today's topic is called "Once Upon A Summer" which lists ten things you're guilty of or may have done during the summer time.

F That, It's Okay...

1. To know your neighborhood ice cream truck driver by first name.
2. To speak into the fan and laugh at the funny sound it makes with your voice.
3. If you add an extra five minutes in your lunch break today because the weather's beautiful and you know by the time you come out of work, the sun will be setting.
4. To lick the dripping icey off your hand instead of using a napkin.
5. To be addicted to barbeque food. Fresh off the grill? Yum.
6. To add an extra coat of polish over that chipped toenail because you don't feel like getting them re-done yet, and you'll be damned if you have to subject your feet to closed-toe shoes.
7. To walk around your house bare-foot.
8. To skinny-dip.
9. To break out the water balloons, supersoakers or open the hydrant.
10. To know all the words to that raunchy summer song.

Fixated on Ivory or Ebony

In light of the new Slim Thug Vibe Magazine article, I've decided to tackle the issues facing dating black and white women. You see, some parts of Slim Thug's argument I found some truth in and other parts I thought were just downright ignorant. I won't say he should've phrased it better because to me, that would've been sugar coating how he felt. I disagreed with some of WHAT he said not HOW he said it and it's not because I'm Black. You should probably take a look at the article before you go any further... http://www.vibe.com/posts/slim-thug-black-women-need-stand-their-man-more

That being read...

A lot of Black women have a larger voice. Not only in volume but being that they will say what a lot of women want to say but choose to keep in, and then it comes off as nagging or argumentative. I've heard a White woman keep something in because "she doesn't want to come off a certain way." There's been instances where a Black man has commanded a White woman to go get him some pizza and she has jumped out the car and spoon fed it to him as he's driving.

Would I have done that? No. I'll buy you the slice but I don't know about spoon-feeding you like you're a baby. Especially at command. But who's to say that has to do with my race? That's my personality. I think people need to learn how to ask for things they want in better ways, and they'll get the results they want.

I have seen white girls at my school cry week after week in the bars because their boyfriends are kissing on girls in front of their faces, treating them mean and they hop right in the cab with them at the end of night despite everything. Or give it a little time in between to numb down the anger and few weeks later, they're back at it, full swing. Now this is not to say I haven't seen Black girls go back to men who have done them wrong. Women, in general, will choose how much they will put up with and will go through similar experiences. I've just noticed that our Ivorys are more submissive and our Ebonys will complain more about it. Even if they're thinking the exact same thing.

At the same time, I believe a lot of the Black men who are making these statements are the ones who want to do whatever they want to do and speak however they want to speak. As Slim Thug says "do all the shit he says." I've seen people who have made these statements, go behind their partners back and cheat and FB message girls and lie. They want to do whatever they want, without getting slack for it. And Slim Thug probably has been on that side of the fence if he isn't right now. Aside from the money hungry females that are out for the money a man has to provide, or looking for a sponsor, females in general just want something that says I appreciate you on a day that's not a holiday. Chivalry, just like men want some of the older customs within females to remain.

A lot of the Ivory and Ebony comparisons don't look at the type of family life that each has grown up in, and I think family life has a lot to do with how you respond in relationships. You could grow up seeing your mom being the bossier figure in a relationship and have that same appeal to men you're dating and if they end up being bossier than you, depending on your personality you could remain or be attracted to the fact that no one has ever been bossier than you. It's environment and family that have major effect on relationships and different races do have different environments and family lifestyles.

That being said, Black people in general need to work on relationships inside their race and outside their race. People, in general, need to work on relationships. Ebony, Ivory, Black Man, White Man, Pink Man, Red Man. We need to cater to each other, communicate better, and listen to each other. Break the stereotypes, don't continue to feed into them.

Forget-Me-Not

Everybody wants to shine...stand out from the pack in their own way. The world remains one big competition and the huddles of support end up getting smaller. I was speaking to someone about what my favorite compliments are. Yeah, looks are nice but after a while we get desensitized to those. A boy trying to swoon you, whispers a few nice words in your ear and after the rejection, you can spot him doing the same thing, twenty seconds later, in the ear of some chick with a face that looks like she should've never been born. Harsh? Ehh you get the point, we've all seen it happen. Our conversation led to the discovery that besides a few others, my favorite compliments aren't of me but rather my work, my creativity.

In thinking about that, I've gathered that we are in the age of the "Forget-Me-Not's." So many of us have talent that we are dying to broadcast, just waiting for a chance to be remembered for something great... looking for RECOGNITION. Yet, it seems the hardest to get. Especially from those around you. In times where we are bombarded with social networks, you would think it would be easy to build recognition or gain feedback with 1000 friends, pending friend requests and up to the minute status updates. But who's really listening?

When you make it, people claim they always knew you'd hit the top. Yet when you're building up to get there, no one gives you any props. Women, in particular, suffer when it comes to building each other up. Black people fall into this category as well. Instead of helping to spread interest for each other, they rather do their own thing or wait 'til they see a large crowd of people promoting something to decide that it's worth attaching their name to it. Even in relationships, friends, or families you can see the struggle to support movements and lack of inspiration or motivation. We rather network with strangers, than with each other. It's a wild realization, but I have it all the time. We all fall victim, I believe, because it's so hard to rise individually that we have harder times seeing those around us get to higher places. Truth is, sometimes you can only help yourself further by helping others.